babies

i haven't much of a care for marriage, but i've been planning my wedding for the past few years. i imagine everyone sitting according to color. when the invitations are sent, they will state what colors they are allowed to present themselves in at my wedding (carefully thought out by skin color and hair color to make everyone look decent, of course). upon arrival, my guests will be organized into a seating arrangement wherein they end up together with the others of their certain hue.
the reasoning? when i turn around from the ceremony, to run back down the aisle, i want the tears in my eyes to blend the colors into a beautiful rainbow. romantic, eh? you'd be shocked to hear i hate The Notebook after a whimsical dream like that.
i love babies. i know, after my marriage to the "soul-mate of my dreams" whom i haven't quite figured out yet, i picture myself with five boys, and their names have already been enscribed on page 144 of my world history book. the only problem is, i'm not quite sure how to get there (if you catch my drift). i cannot picture myself conceiving or birthing a child. i've realized adoption is always an option, but i cannot visualized myself happily adopting children.
this is true for most of my life: i can visualize success, but can find no pathways by which i can achieve such great heights. i suppose i am a dreamer with no practicality.